Haters in the movies

Caught a movie lately? Yes, no? Was it enjoyable or downright nasty? Apart from those insanely overpriced movie tickets, popcorn, nachos, cupcorn and what nots, we also have to deal with idiots selfish people in the cinema. Gone were the days when movie tickets, munchies were affordable and self awareness was a common sight. When I was in primary school, $7 a ticket already felt like hole in my daddy’s pockets. Now, it’s $11.50. They call it inflation. No wonder pirates evolved. I still love movies though'. For the superior sound system, big ass screen and for the company, I'd take the risk to meet the people below.

Let me list a bunch of people categories that I would hate to meet the most, in no particular order:

1) Lady with the Baby : It’s family day and where else to disturb the peace of movie lovers than bringing your baby along for the movie. Crying wailing screaming babies are definite no-nos. But a lot people lack the social etiquette and consideration for others. When Baby starts wailing, they simply ignore. Damn them parents. At least have the courtesy to bring your baby outside?

2) The Vibrator : This could take the form of a hairy shaking leg or feet or thigh. The person can’t stay still even if he were strapped in to the seat. He shakes throughout my entire movie experience like it came with the price of my ticket.

3) The Boneless Slump : The person who flops around his seat. Wiggles, flinches & squirms. Either he simply can’t find a single comfortable spot/pose or something is stuck up his S. One moment he crosses his legs, next moment props them up and then starts tap tapping his feet. Argh.

4) The Cell Master : Epic phone rings. Instead of switching it off, he answers the phone & yabbers away.

5) The Pig : It’s perfectly okay to fall asleep but SNORING like a Pig is NOT OKAY!

6) The ChatterBox : He couldn’t stop nudging his pal and making stupid comments about the movie as it screens. It’s not a soccer match so we don’t need a commentator.

7) The Scared Chick : The girlfriend who squeals and acts coy and covers her eyes when scary images comes up in a Horror or Comedy movie. Duhz.

8) The Smelly Cat : Either my neighbor has hog’s breath or feet or body. A friend once told me that her neighbor’s breath stink so bad that each time she opened her mouth to eat her popcorn and chew away, she nearly died of suffocation. I found it quite hilarious. Please chew a mint lah. People with body odor (though I understand that it may not be helped but…). People whose feet stink should refrain from taking off their shoes to air their feet in enclosed areas.

9) The Diner : When the movie begins, so does his meal. Miraculously, he brought his own cutlery and the entire KFC meal along.

10) The Eifel Tower : The Tallest man in the movie just plonked himself right in front of me. Yes, he can’t help being born tall, but he wears a cap?? Why cap? Why can’t he wear sunglasses instead? He prunes his hairdo in spikes? It’s already hard to see beyond the round head, now I still gotta peep through the spikes? *Slaps head. He sit up straighter than a metal rod. *Cries. I pray and beg he would fall asleep and sink deep into his seat.

11) The Know All : He’d already seen the movie online so he starts yapping to his friend about the movie and spilling all the plots and twists about the movie. He might as well narrate the whole story and kill all my joy. I would pay him to shut up.

Guilty of any of these actions? I was once The ChatterBox in a very lame action comedy. I usually do not chat away in movies but the movie was way too lame not to lambast it. I got told off by a very pissed girl beside me at the end of the movie, which made me wonder why didn't cha say so earlier man? I'd have shut up sooner had she told me. I'm not an unreasonable prick ya' know. I didn't see her face as she stomped off after that however I do applaud her guts whereas most people can only whine in FaceBook.